Okay…so if you managed to bypass the apparent ambiguity of my headline, then I bet you deserve way more than just a hug… (Winks).
Glad you tuned in and oh…kindly disregard the approximately 19days, 4hours, 26 minutes and 11 seconds that I posted nothing, not even a valentine’s day greeting (not a big fan anyway) nor an explanation as to why I couldn’t. And it didn’t help that earlier in the year I promised not to be MIA, I apologise. There were circumstances that have sworn to never let me catch a break…but here I am today, up in arm with details of all I got up to lately, so, let’s go!
I will refrain from saying “Happy Valentine’s day”, even though I just said it. Reasons being that it’s simply not my cup of tea…sorry I lied, it is my cup of tea, i love the concept of love, but I’m not sure I’m in the headspace to start reeling out explanations as to why I adopted a rather controversial perspective about Valentine’s Day. I’d rather skip the banters.
Lately, I’ve been quite huge on the church activity scene, a noticeable feature more or less, in spiritual scheme of things within my church space. For all intents and purposes, being of service in my little way in the propagation of the Gospel is and has always been my forte’. However the real bummer for me remains, the sort of people, who either scaled the fences or crawled in through the holes to find themselves within the ‘religious’ fold, for very ridiculous and nerve-wrenching reasons. I’ll leave you a rather controversial caveat before I proceed; any reason for being in the church, that is not sphered within service to God and growing a sustainable relationship with him, is frivolous at the very least and fraudulent at most. You can quote me.
And here’s a DISCLAIMER; Church is not, or better still should not be a social gathering! Do I sound like God’s religious P.A? No, I’m speaking from a place of objectivity. Now I’m not trying to discountenance possible defence from any religiously prejudiced school of thought, but my point is simple; do not constitute a religious nuisance just because you assume some level of entitlement as a church attendee. Remember, everyone, including the “brethren” in the Lord, has got their challenges.
So here’s my compilation of the category of humans I’ve never failed to find in the church;
1). HYPROCRITES; this set of humans pray the most fervently, (for the optics of course), it’s usually difficult to see through their theatrics. They desire every “sister” in the church for “marriage”, (not me though, I am not a spinster) and if as a sister you have a seemingly paying job, then your eligibility status can stand toe to toe with the status of Liberty in New York City. A certain member of this group tried to become too over-bearingly close, and spoke ill about anyone else he saw around me, talks an awful lot for a man (my major turn-off), I subtly cut him loose, and thankfully he grabbed the memo, and hopefully never makes a come-back.
2).MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKERS; this set, in my books, should be about the craftiest individual hidden within the crevices of a congregation. They know every single member’s history, dated as far back as a decade; I still haven’t known how they pull that stunt. They are very smooth in speech and mannerism, always feeding you an inflated gist of their imaginary achievement. They get your number (I would always oblige you my number, I am that civil), giving out my phone number is one thing I have no qualms with, but what becomes of you and that number of mine is what I cannot guarantee. So, this specie of humans, get your number, scan all the social media platforms to establish a contact with you, and then go ahead to slide on to your wassap page to consolidate their presence in your life. I grew from loathing this unsavoury effort they deploy into “invading your space” to admiring such amazing level of dexterity. Now here’s my point, getting my number to chip in a brilliantly thought out, correctly written and brief “hello” and “hi “occasionally, is not an issue, my contention is, asking mundane and poorly written questions like “have u eating”? It’s totally not a win for me, not by any stretch. But that’s the specialty of this sort of humans. They completely flout the boundary rules. I’d like to think they assume that the Church puts everyone on a certain religious pedestal that condones unsolicited familyhood (if that makes sense), they might be right though, only if there’s mutuality in that assumption.
3). OPPORTUNISTS; this set of people see you and for some funny reasons assume that there is more to you than meets the eye. I reckon they see you as an “answered prayer” of sorts. They may or may not be wrong, but is the church a strict subsidiary of a charity organisation? I love and appreciate the fact that some churches have a portal for welfare, very commendable, but these lots believe the Church is their key exit out of squalor, (I think that’s a misplaced priority). They usually can’t wait to establish a link with you, topping it off with calls, text messages, and wassap messages at very odd times. There’s nothing wrong with trying to establish business contacts with your brethren in the church, (if it’s genuinely for that purpose) but then I will always advocate for tact and civility and this shouldn’t even be a preference, it’s a must. Please, be sensitive enough to know when your ‘welcome’ has expired and promptly take whatever is left of your dignity and flee, thank you.
The fourth group are, THE REPROBATE MINDS; these fellows straddle religious activities and extra-curricular activities with expertise. Sometimes they commute from the disco halls to the church halls so effectively and make an enviable style out of the process, and I’m not even being judgemental here o, in fact I’m one of those who envy these prolific hedonists. But my worries however are the manner of confusion they leave in their trails (in my little head). Let’s also not lose sight of the fact that some potential “believers” see their “attitude” in the church as a huge RED FLAG, for very symbolic reason. So will a balance ever suffice in this situation? As Mechanic no gree us know who the mad men are?
The last group are THE REAL MVP’s, this group of super humans are the ‘greedy’ ones who with reckless abandon picked up executive membership in all the aforementioned four groups-meaning that they belong in all the groups, they are bona fide MVP’s. I can’t guarantee a likelihood of finding any self-respecting individual on here by the way. They’ve earned themselves a standing ovation and in fairness they deserve one.
The last time I boycotted church activities, was because of the aforementioned group of individuals. i love God and the church, but I’m clearheaded about the structure dynamics. I get turned off when I can’t trace cohesion in any scene I intend to be a regular feature in. But then again I’ve learnt to pick my battles. The diversity of individuality brings the flavour in every congregation, I’ve observed. I guess it’s not in my place to determine or control who gets into the church space, (God’s P.A, bawo) but it’s in my place to determine who gets into my personal space, what says ya?
It’s still Jesus and veggies folks. Some say Jesus, meat and veggies..na you sabi. Lol.
Kisses and hugs.
