I made a new friend! Scratch that. If you knew me well enough I abhor friendships, and no I’m not anti-humans, I’m just anti-idiots; meaning, that you should and must be ‘sane’ to make it to my friends list, sounds insane? Yeah, I know.
But this new ‘friend’ of mine had all the trappings of a charmer, my own kind of charmer. She’s quite lovely and a fulltime badass, plus, she was also bitten by the Amsterdam bug, plus, we share same psychiatrist and we both were keen worshippers at the sacred sanctuary of the kingdom of Amsterdam, the only difference however is that her updated psychiatric review read, RETROGRESSION! (sorry, it’s not my job to explain this).
“have you been to the other side of Amsterdam?” this sinner friend of mine asked
“which other side?” I asked, not quite sure where she was heading, oh yes, she’s random as hell.
“I mean the ‘side’ called the red light something” she continued in a deadpan tone and an expressionless face.
“something? What something?”
This catastrophe on two legs shot me a snarky look that gave me a quick brain reset.
“oh I get it, I’ve been there once”
“did you experience it?” she continued, her tiny lips smacked in a mischievous smile.
I didn’t like the sound of her question, but hey we are dealing with a nut case, so here we go.
“how do you mean?” if she thought she was a handful I was a shipwreck.
“don’t be so naïve, did you take a proper tour?”
Holy smoke, I didn’t even know there was such a thing as ‘proper tour’ package at the red light district, where have I been living? Under the rock? At this point I was convinced that I had lost the actual right to be called a devoted member of the sacred sanctuary of the kingdom of Amsterdam, I was as unfaithful as my exes, I’m gutted and I deserve condemnation, period!
On that fateful Thursday evening, yours truly sprang up from her nap, resolute, armed with determination and hit the roads; I had an unfinished business at ‘the other side of Amsterdam’. I was only a one-time visitor and was one more visit short of being a conformist. My retarded friend had just pointed out my inadequacies…I had visited the red light district one time, no doubt, but I must be a failure to have failed to ‘experience’ and take a ‘proper tour’. I’m not a failure and I’m set to prove that to my gek friend.
In simple terms, my second visit to ‘the other side of Amsterdam’ banged. I took the ‘tour’, and it was worth the hype; the downer however was, it took 16 therapy sessions, 5 intensive praying and fasting sessions, 2 exorcism rounds and a spousal divorce threat for it to sink into my skull that some realities have potential fatalities; the M gender don’t necessarily co-exist with that famous rival ‘toy’ that supply pleasure in truckloads to the F gender….. I still love my ‘toys’ regardless.
